So. One year since the attacks. Watched a bit of the programming today, on and off. Trying not to really...not so that I forget or that I have forgotten. I could never forget. I don't need graphic photos of the horrified faces of New Yorkers, or of the towers on fire and crumbling...bodies being carried away, tired firemen and police...I don't need to see ground zero to remember all those lives lost and touched. Last year, watching television, watching the second tower get hit...was like watching someone die. My father called me to tell me there were things bigger than me in this world...and I needed to grow up, and told me to turn the television on. I was greeted with the image of one of the twin towers, on fire...I wasn't sure what was goin on, it was pandemonium on the news...and then, shouting, silence, cries of "Oh my f*cking god" and the airplane collided into the second tower. I cried. I was scared...confused...shocked. An innocence was gone and not just for me. The idea that this country is untouchable fled from our minds. And for once, in great numbers we bound ourselves together, realized the beauty of the neighbor or the homeless guy down the street, the sanctity of our freedoms and readied to stand and fight, strike back against the bastards that would harm us. I remember.

This weekend I am meeting up with Barbie, a friend from high school I haven't seen since then. I wish I had something more interesting about my life to report than I'm pregnant and not married and some college and no job right now. Ah, regrets...although...I don't regret Jonathan. I'm scared a bit...mostly of labor. Being a parent is a scary thing but I have mom and dad and mark to help me there. And Mom has such good advice, and tells me things that never occured to me, makes things sound so much simpler than I've made it out to be or that I've been told. She told me it doesn't have to be hell...I don't have to be the tired frazzled mother with no time for life outside of the baby and the baby doesn't have to be a screaming, up all night holy terror. And I believe her as much as anyone else tells me different. And we'll do this right, and I'll do the best I can, with help of course.

ack *newsflash* Grace might have chicken pox. This isn't going to be pretty. Hopefully it's just a rash or something...poor baby has been sick for what seems like a month now. First it was tonsilitis and then became sinusitis and now chicken pox? No wonder she's been grumpy.

So I had my doctors appointment Monday and everything is still peachy. Mary Kay said my belly is perfectly sized, my blood pressure is ok, my weight is good, seems I am gaining about a lb a week now, in two weeks I have to be swabbed and whatnot for streptococcus or however that is spelled and then my appointments will be once a week. She said he's turned his head is where it should be. She felt around for his head digging her hands into my belly and I'm thinking, "Oh god, he is going to be ticked" and she found it and grabbed it, like I could see it in her hands, and she let go and went to get his heartbeat but he was mad. He went to the left side like he always does when he's been irritated and stuck his butt under my ribs and kept moving so she had a hard time getting a heartbeat. Lol, he's going to have a temper like me. My angry little baby.

Well...ok. I suppose that's all I got for one day.

-Petra

written on 2002-09-11 at 1:18 p.m. by sweetsolace.

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