Sitting here feeding the most beautiful little boy in the world...Grace just left, and she wanted to stay with me, hah!

Last night I think we had our first fight...but I'm not too sure if it was merely me throwing a fit and Mark rebutting here and there, or what. I know it made me literally sick to do it. I am not one to hold my temper and I'm sure many people could attest to that. And I don't know if motherhood has taught me some form of temper control or being with Mark has mellowed me out but I find that I haven't really tried to pull half my shit with him I pulled with someone else. Maybe because Mark loves me and takes care of me like a man should. And not monetarily. Maybe because I think that sometimes we seem to live on this higher plane of existance where no one understands or has the kind of love we have. And last night was a culmination of things and I was working myself up all day to say what I wanted to say and get my point across and my foot down. And I had it figured that he would be so angry with me, and not let me say what I wanted to say and try to dissuade me from my anger, but he didn't. We actually like, had a conversation about it and I like to think resolved it. And now I feel so much better about everything in general. And we had a good night last night I think.

Grace is going to be with her mother for awhile so we spent some time with her and "opened" her pumpkin and played around and stuff. Mark carved a heart on the side of it and we put a candle in it to show Grace her pumpkin face, and then she went to bed. Then I had one of the most romantic moments in my life...he turned off all the lights and turned the pumpkin so that the carved heart faced the wall and the light in the pumpkin made the heart enlarge and cast it on the wall, and he put on swing music and we danced. Two dancing fools in the dark, with a huge heart on the wall. And one thing led to another of course :-) He gives me tingles sometimes. Like, my first boyfriend or something. He'll kiss me and I walk off and my tummy has butterflies and I'm flustered, or I just get that warm feeling...I know the other day I had to run to WalMart for my mother and he and Grace were at my house, and he kissed me before I left and as I was walking to my car I said outloud, "God I love him, I could eat him up." I don't do things like that, it's silly, he's made me silly...but I like it. This seems too good to be true sometimes. And I hope it's not. And there are times, when we have family moments, or when he looks at me a certain way, letting me know he loves me, and I know it's not.

Ach, enough mush. Enough for now I guess, I was distracted...

-Petra

written on 2002-11-13 at 10:41 a.m. by sweetsolace.

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