Man, last night sucked. Not the whole night, just the part of it I spent near my mother. Thanksgiving is practically ruined right now, thanks to my grandmother, who has this uncanny knack for ruining things. She decided that unless Jenny and Mike ate at our house, she wasn't going to because she wanted to see her precious grandkids...er...brats. You know, the only ones that matter. Mom didn't want to budge on it, after everything Kenny has done to this family, she's not welcome in my mothers house anymore, and just about everyone supports her decision. She did make it perfectly clear the kids still are unfortunately, and so is Mike. But that's not good enough for Omi. So now she's talking to me or mom, she hangs up on us all the time, says her feelings are hurt, said to shove mom's thanksgiving turkey up her ass, and told mom that I was a slut. Such a remarkable holiday spirit. So it's just going to be me, mom, dad and Mark and Jonathan. Which will be really nice, mom made yams just for her and Mark and got egg nog for Mark and a pie he likes...lol, my mom really likes him. And why shouldn't she? Uncle Chris will be there later on, so. It won't be so bad. I wonder how my grandfather would feel about this though...would we be in the right or would Omi? I don't think I want to know.

I think I hurt Mark's feelings last night. We were discussing the type of wedding we would want, and he said he wanted a nice wedding, something in the range of 5,000. Which isn't really expensive for a wedding these days but I don't have that kind of money and neither does he. And it seems almost frivolous to spend it on that. I know that the wedding day is supposed to be so special but to me it seems like months of planning, and imperfect execution and then what? I'd almost rather have a small wedding, like justice of the peace, a nice reception with a d.j. and games and toasts and pictures, and a nice honeymoon somewhere outside of the US. Maybe that sounds more like me, and suits me better. Maybe I never hoped for a big wedding for myself because I never had high hopes for myself...and I want to have a special day with Mark...but I know everyday with Mark is a special day...maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. But I'll leave diaryland with a song, one of my favorites...

Still feels like our first night together

Feels like the first kiss

It's gettin' better baby

No one can better this

Still holdin' on, you're still the one

First time our eyes met - same feelin' I get

Only feels much stronger - wanna love ya longer

You still turn the fire on...

So if you're feelin' lonely don't - you're the only one I ever want

I only wanna make it good - so if I love ya a little more than I should

Please forgive me - I know not what I do

Please forgive me - I can't stop lovin' you

Don't deny me - this pain I'm going through

Please forgive me - if I need ya like I do

Please believe me - every word I say is true

Please forgive me - I can't stop lovin' you

Still feels like our best times are together

Feels like the first touch - still gettin' closer baby

Can't get close enough

Still holdin' on - still number one

I remember the smell of your skin - I remember everything

I remember all your moves - I remember you yeah

I remember the nights - ya know I still do

So if you're feelin' lonely don't - you're the only one I ever want

I only wanna make it good - so if I love ya a little more than I should

Please forgive me - I know not what I do

Please forgive me - I can't stop lovin' you

Don't deny me this pain I'm going through

Please forgive me - if I need ya like I do

Oh believe me - every word I say is true

Please forgive me - I can't stop lovin' you

One thing I'm sure of - is the way we make love

And one thing I depend on - is for us to stay strong

With every word and every breath I'm prayin'

That's why I'm sayin'

Please forgive me - I know not what I do

Please forgive me - I can't stop lovin' you

Don't deny me this pain I'm going through

Please forgive me - if I need ya like I do

Babe believe me - every word I say is true

Please forgive me - if I can't stop lovin' you

Never leave me - I don't know what I'd do

Please forgive me - I can't stop lovin' you

Can't stop lovin' you

written on 2002-11-27 at 10:49 a.m. by sweetsolace.

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