Oy.

So Jonathan has been officially diagnosed as having asthma. I heard him wheezing on Saturday so we took him in to the docs and he was apparently having an attack there. So we have a nebulizer now and he's on albuterol, prednisone, zyrtec and an antibiotic for an ear infection. I really hate giving him breathing treatments, he gets three a day and it's impossible. He's always hated having things on his head and face, no hats, no sunglasses, he'll just rip them off. And I have to use a pediatric oxygen mask for the breathing treatments so he has this mask strapped to his head and I have to hold him down to keep him from ripping it off and my god is he strong. He's getting kind of used to it now so it's not so bad. I was so upset when I found this out. I have had this all my life, and as a kid it was the worst thing sometimes. Not being able to breathe is frightning, and it can go on for days even with treatment. I would drive myself crazy hearing myself wheeze and my shoulders would hunch up and I'd become really snappy because I was so frustrated and worn out from trying to breathe. And never in a thousand years would I have wanted this for my own son. I want to cry when I look at his little face with that mask on, and hear him wheeze in the morning. I feel so helpless because I wanted to keep my children well and happy, and I feel like I cursed him with this disease. I'm kinda mad at myself, really. On the upshot, he might not be as bad as I was, and on a preventitive and a regular excersise (spel?) regimen he could well grow out of it. I might have had a chance of outgrowing it if I would have never started smoking. It all comes back to my dirty love for cancer!!!

I've restrained myself from reading all day and my hands are starting to itch. These past couple of weeks that's all I could do is read, I've read four books I think, and I've been devouring them like a fat man in subway. Sometimes I forgo sleep to read and can we figure that out? I complain about being tired so instead of sleeping I get in bed with a book. Mark's good natured about it though, if it were me I'd be pissed about having to go to sleep with the lamp on. Sometimes to be nice I wait until I know he's good and asleep before I go to bed so he's not disturbed.

Speaking of books and bed...

*poof*

written on 2004-02-05 at 12:02 a.m. by sweetsolace.

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