Ah, Monday morning. Nothing like it.

It's been awhile since I updated, mostly because all I have been doing for the past couple of weeks is mope listlissly around the house and play video games. Mark was asked to go TDY to Georgia for a couple of weeks, and that's where he has been. Our first official seperation, and let me tell you, I am not cut out to be a military wife. My mother didn't see her husband for a year at a time, sometimes more, I barely knew my father until I was in my teens, and I don't remember her having TOO difficult a time of it, I know she had her moments but she delt with it really well, as far as I could know not being allowed into my mothers secret thoughts as I was a child. I'm just having a hard time with him being gone, it's our first seperation, sleeping alone in this house sucks, I miss having my big strong man to carry things, you know, shopping bags, garbage, children, etc. I miss having someone to hug and kiss on and cuddle with, short of my son who is at the age where only so much loving is allowed from "ma" as he calls me, and when he is done I am pushed away. Travis and the guys have been good to me, mostly Travis, he's been keeping me company making sure I don't go stir crazy in this house, even lending me his precious Dark Cloud 2 which he has finally taken back and I am having DT's.

Mark's leaving was all rather sudden, he called me on a Monday and said he was leaving on Wednesday, and came home from work and packed. I was in a state of hysteria, also because Wednesday was the ultrasound, and Mark was to take the day off, I was also to have a bit of an outpatient surgery that day I wanted him there...he ended up leaving that day. He hasn't seen the baby yet, I have pictures, and I know what I'm having now...

I hope not too many people are dissapointed, babies are blessing either way, and Mark and I really wanted a boy where everyone else was rooting for a girl, luckily, fate and higher powers are on my side for the moment because I'm having a BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so freaking happy when the doc told me, she said, "You better keep all Jonathans baby clothes" and I screamed "Yes!!!! It's a boy!" like I just hit the final touchdown during the superbowl to win the game. I was and am so very happy. I never wanted girls, as awful as it sounds. I always related a bit to Jo in Little Women in that I have a bit of a male character, I understand how men think and enjoy males company better, I was a huge tomboy as a kid. I have maybe 2 female friends, and I don't see them on any kind of regular basis. I don't think I would know how to raise a daughter, because with Grace she has a mother that is teaching her how she wants her to be, but I'd turn my girl into some kind of tomboy without meaning to. Now I have two little men and I can't wait. I already have a name and that's Jacob Henry Maxwell. I named him on the spot, so I know it's right. With Jonathan I was so torn, I didn't know what to name him but I knew I wanted to name him after my grandfather. Mom thougt it would be nice if I named him after dad too so since dad's name is Juan, and Pa's name was Charles, I thought Jonathan Charles and it was perfect. Mark suggested Jacob and it's a nice strong name, and Henry is Charles Henry so now I have my Pa in my little men. I have two J-boys.

And I know that this time I'm going to look pregnant because my belly now is almost as big as it was the day before I gave birth to Jonathan. With him I never showed, but this one is getting bigger by the day. I'm starting to feel it more too, my walking is affected, I'm tired, my back hurts, I'm getting kicked all the time because of Mr. Active, I just feel pregnant. Incidentally, as crappy and sick as I can feel sometimes, I also feel like some fountain of fabled life, proud of myself in an archaic, medieval sort of way because I have and am bearing two sons. It's either the Mexican in me, or mom said the women because she said a lot of women secretly want to bear sons, it's instinctive. That whole need for the race to move on I guess.

Poor Jonathan just fell asleep in his exersaucer so I guess I better put him down for his nap before I get ready to head over to the in-laws. Mark is coming home on Wednesday and he will never get such special treatment, and I doubt he'll complain about much for a while, because I've missed him sorely. I need a camera, this is such the Kodak moment. Anyways, enough for now, more later as I always promise.

-Petra

written on 2003-09-29 at 12:33 p.m. by sweetsolace.

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