I'm in the middle of reliving the early ninties via winmx, downloading everything I can in hopes of the RIAA pressing me with a lawsuit. Incidentally, I have found quite a few songs I used to love and completely forgot about. Like Loreena Mckennit (sp) The Mummers Dance remix by Enya. I used to listen to that until my ears bled.

Johnny Cash died last night. We all knew it was coming, the man was very sick...the last video he did was so sad, I cried. All hormones aside, it was moving. I liked Johnny Cash.

John Ritter died too last night, collapsed on the set of his show, 8 simple rules, which I liked that show as well. His death was a little harder to swallow, he was young, 54 aint old, and I liked his brand of comedy.

I'm glad today is the 12th. I'm a paranoid fool lately. I was half afraid to use water yesterday and today I saw a insect I've never seen before and I killed it, half thinking it was some deadly bug sent to kill us all. I'm glad I'm on medication now, LOL, hopefully it will help. That bug was weird looking though.

Jonathan would benefit from medication I think. He's been driving me bonkers with his "sensitivity" of late. I can't even look at him funny without him crying, and all I have to do is pick him up and he's quiet...but he's doing this all the time. At least twice in 10 minutes. All day. Every day. I can't even use the bathroom and shut the door, he follows me going "mamamamamaa" He's like a puppy dog, follows me into the kitchen, living room, either bedroom. If he can't see me he screams...what have I done wrong. I hope this is some stage.

I'm so tired. The Nubaby is getting bigger by the day and it's evident I won't slide by with never looking pregnant this time. With Jonathan I stayed in my regular clothes and even bought some smaller pants because of all the weight I'd lost and I never had a belly. Well, a little one but it wasn't visible in clothes. This time I'm already showing at 5 months and the baby is moving all crazy like and the only pants I can stand are sweatpants. I can't lay on my belly anymore. When Mark put his hand on my belly last night his face got a surprised look, I guess because the baby's gotten so big.

Will I ever be rested? Will I ever get away from children? Will we ever have money? Will Jonathan ever stop crying? Will Grace ever stop picking on him? Will I ever do a diary entry about me and not about kids? One day we'll find out, but only until next time, same boring time, same boring channel.

-Petra

written on 2003-09-12 at 4:09 p.m. by sweetsolace.

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