Well. It's been awhile, almost a month which is an eternity for me. Let's see, news news news.

To start: My life has fallen apart and picked itself back in this past month.

Grace didn't qualify for preschool or any headstart or jumpstart programs because she is too advanced. Which is always good to hear but it was also a dissapointment, it would have been good for both her and me.

Mark and I are getting married hopefully this weekend. I keep thinking about it and not really knowing what to think. I mean, I love him and I'm happy and I want it but I always thought there would be some kind of ceremony to it, besides the obvious one, you know, family and friends and a big frenzy but it's just me and him and a quiet small private ceremony and then home I suppose. I'm kind of dissapointed but circumstances being what they are...they are...

...that I am pregnant. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I again am harboring precious human life. I will be giving birth to a Scottish Mexican and we couldn't be prouder. There is some "oh shit" reaction, you know, why now, it's going to be hard, three kids and all, but Mark always says "We're pregnant" and he's been rubbing my belly and he's been so good to me lately. Not that he isn't normally but he has just been so careful of me and especially patient and sweet. So the shotgun wedding is to "finally" make me an "honourable woman." So it's going to be a quiet little thing. *sigh*

I don't know what to think about it all. I am just blown away, these past couple months have been hard and now they got all kinds of harder. I have been really tired and depressed lately and I don't know if I can handle all those hormonal mood swings again, I've already had an episode or two.

Two babies in diapers. Truth to tell I'm rather excited about it, I have my sweet Jonathan, who is already trying to walk and is the most beautiful thing and wonderfully gets even more so as he grows, and I'll have another tiny baby. I know it'll be hard, no doubt but I am a woman who adores babies. I have baby mania. I love them, interpreting their moods, their smell, the unquestioned trust, those precious moments holding them while they sleep, the tiny little world babies bring to you. It's like rediscovering your own youth and being able to change some things about it. There is nothing like him waking up from a nap, or me coming to get him in the morning, and that beaming smile I get. There is nothing like when I leave him with mom and dad and I go get him and he throws his little arms around my neck and puts his head on my chest. Watching him grow and develop from a wrinkled, sleeping little 4 pound mewling newborn to a healthy active and charming 8 month old has been one of the greatest blessings in my life.

I'm rather hoping for another boy. I love boys, always wanted boys. I was a tomboy and only hang out with guys with the exception of two, maybe three girls now. And Mark would like a son, I know. I mean, Jonathan is his son and Mark loves him very much but I know somewhere in his secret thoughts a son of his own blood would make him very happy. And I hope he had the right chromosomes. If not, I guess I'll take the girl. :)

Enough for now, more later. As per usual.

-Petra

written on 2003-06-10 at 1:44 a.m. by sweetsolace.

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