Well I finally gave up on the search for the perfect template. This will suffice for now until I find the ONE.

Downloading music again...this time music from the 80's, early 90's, and other assorted tunes my brain keeps farting up. Right now I'm downloading Boy meets Girl, Waiting for a star to fall. Wow, now that brings back some memories, mostly one from Germany, and me and mom and dad eating in the PX pizza place and singing this song as it played on the intercom. And for some reason some brief flash of me eating cotton candy at an O-day walking by tanks covered in that leaf net camoflague.

Grace is with her mother now, and it's just me and Jonathan. There is something to be said for the peace and quiet...I needed it. I'm adjusting to this Zoloft, and am already noticing changes. There is just something about being pregnant that makes everything unbearable for me, and I can never think straight. It's like being screamed at, except in my head. Right now I'm at this point of calm acceptance...I can't really describe it. I don't feel sedated per se, but these past few days I've noticed how toned down I am, I'm content to sit and I can actually think, things haven't been riling me up and I haven't picked a fight with Mark in almost a week. It isn't a pleasant feeling though, I feel as if I'm in a fugue state, and I hope this is just a phase of it because I don't want to be forced into calm acceptance by some meds. I guess we'll see, I'll give it a chance. Mark doesn't really have any input on it, I know he's not thrilled with the fact that I'm on an anti-depressant...I'm not either. At first I took it as a sign that I'm weak and need medication to cope with life, but if it really helps me then I'm ok with it.

I can't wait for this weekend...Jonathan's first birthday! When Mark gets paid I'm heading out to get him a couple things, namely this Noah's Ark, it's huge, and it opens up and inside there are animals in twos, and Jonathan will love it, and I think a fire truck, something with wheels. He's fascinated by wheels. Just a couple things because I know he'll get tons of stuff from other people. Mom is getting him his own little birthday cake, and we're having a barbecue, and I'm taking pictures until he blows up. I feel as if I've lost a year...he can't be growing up this fast...he won't be a baby anymore...*sniff* Gee, good thing I'm having another one. *smack*

I'm now going to return to Middle Earth where I have been dwelling ere so long, and read in a obsessive fury until Return of the King comes out. Until December...I think I can handle it.

-Petra

written on 2003-09-15 at 12:58 p.m. by sweetsolace.

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