So I give up on trying to walk away from this diary. I have tried it three times over the past few years and it is never sucessful...So let me put it this way...I may not update for a millenia...but I'll be back. There is an inexorable pull that brings me back.

So I'm sitting here, listning to the loudness of the roofers pounding away, worried they are gonna fall into the house...and I've got a Jonathan in my lap. :) I woke up this morning and looked over and he was on the other pillow just grinning and making bubbly noises at me. What a way to wake up. Yesterday we took him to the doctor for his 4 month shots, and he had 4 in his little legs but didn't have hardly a reaction except for soreness and swelling and a bit of irritibility. He weighs 14 lbs, and is 23 and a half inches long. Dr. Baula said that he is short and a bit chubby because of his height to weight ratio but that's only going by the charts, because he looks perfect. He's taken his ages and stages tests and scored the highest possible in all areas. He's rolling over, trying to crawl, he's always been very alert and has always had good head control, he coos and is very social, but he has social anxiety to where if I have him and someone else takes him he gets upset...he recognizes people he's seen more than once, he grabs for toys, all that fun stuff. When he starts crawling I'm going to go batty, I can barely keep up with him now, heh. It's just amazing to see and watch him learn and do something new almost everyday. Ok, enough mommy blabber.

I am so sick. I dunno what I got, Mark jokes and says Kentucky Crud, but I woke up one morning with a sore throat and my chest is all congested, and now my sinuses are shit and I couldn't stop coughing this morning. I need some medicine. But I chose to be a hard ass and not go to the doctor so I guess I'll make it. The weather has been freaky lately too, what with 62 degrees one day and 23 the next. At least I don't have the tummy bug going around, making people throw up and get the runs. Don't need that.

So when tax money comes back, we're getting married. And I'm excited about that, and the ring I'm getting...details when I get it, somehow I know Mark would be peeved if I spilled now. He did tell his friend Josh about it last night on the phone, who said he was coming back in July and would give us and call and come see us. Also talked to Wayne Milam and Stephanie Slaven...and they are getting married March 1. I mean...c'mon! I had her give him her number, I hooked them up, and it worked! And I told Mark we have to get married first since we've been together longer, lol. It's just a joke though.

I don't know. I am just so happy. I have my moments of blah and I think that's post partum, and maybe because motherhood is still new to me and depressing sometimes...but I am truly happy. Mark is my home, he makes me feel so safe and I know he loves and he takes care of me. Here lately I haven't been too much help to him because I've been sick and other things, but I'm going to try harder. Because he deserves the best. We were meant for each other, plain and simple. We are so alike in some areas, without one of us trying to change, we both like to go out, and be social and have a good time, and stay out as long as possible, we both smoke and drink which doesn't seem like a big deal, but it's better when both do or don't. We each have a kid and we help each other with that, we've had some of the same life experiances, we enjoy reading and music and sometimes just a quiet family life. We click so well. And the sex is UNREAL. And I can only chalk that up to how we are meant for each other. Because I never had something like that, so loving and sensual. And when we are married the bonds are only going to be stronger, and everything will be how it should be. Allright, enugh waxing romantic and mushy.

So, I'm going back to school. I went for a year, burnt myself out like a lightbulb, but I'm ready for it now. If my mom had just let me take that hiatus like I wanted I would have come back to it instead of her forcing me into it. I will not do something if forced, it's like cornering a wild animal. But now, I wanna go bak 2 skoo. And git sum edjamakashun.

Yo bread is riz. Lawks a mussy Miz Scawlett! I doan no nothin bout birthin no babies!

Brain Fart...

-Petra

written on 2003-03-02 at 9:54 a.m. by sweetsolace.

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