Hey Heidi, sorry I haven't responded yet, but thank you for your input, that's pretty much how I feel about it, but I do have a few things to add in a minute. For future reference as I am too lazy to actually edit my template, my email is violentfarewell@yahoo.com and my aim name is IXpetraXI.

Run-on sentances amok.

Well, it's been established that Jacob is quite the fussy little man. He doesn't like to sleep, he prefers to be held at all times and he fusses just for the sake of doing so. Fine. I am maintaining a calm attitude about it all, because I suppose it could be so much worse. I might not have had him at all. I am pretty sleepy though. I discovered tonight that if I put him in his car seat like we are going somewhere he is quite comfortable so he is sleeping now.

Not doing so good on the quitting smoking thing. I crave them all the time now whether I actually want one or not. I have cut back a good deal but this is freaking hard. And I don't really WANT to quit so it's not really working. I know I should but I don't want to. Oh well.

Mark got a new tattoo. It's quite nice, on the back of his calf and is a buddha and a dragon. Not that he has any religious affiliation or preference but still is nice. I'm supposed to get my train wreck of a tattoo fixed but it's so big...and requires so much chair time still, and I really don't relish the thought of being drilled again. Besides, I like it, the way it is now. I've grown accustomed to it's face I guess you could say.

I'm going to check into these free seminars at U of L, and probably start going to some, I missed one on mummification which is an obsession of mine, and on the 12th there is supposed to be another one on the pyramids...can I get a w00t? I kinda miss feeling semi-intelligent, part of my own generation. Not to say my generation as a whole is intelligent, but I feel left behind sometimes, knowing how much potential I had and wasted and now I'm just "mom." I don't want to lay dormant anymore. I can't BELIEVE I dropped out of college!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I still beat myself up over that. I love my sons but I wish I would have done more with my life first.

And I decided I'm not getting a tubal ligation. When people hear this they think I want another child but I don't. I just can't explain it to them really. I am not ready to terminate my ability to HAVE children. Ultimately I am defined by children now, even in my online diary they are all I can talk about, they are all I think about. Plus with the upcoming events pertaining to my vagina, I decided not to. I may have the cancer, Terrance. I have to schedule my biopsy and check up here soon. I figure, maybe someday I'll have to have a complete hysterectomy (spel?) so keep my female plumbing the way it is. I am rather scared about all of this, some cancerous cells have been found and hopefully I am in early enough stages as for it not to matter but hell. I'm still waiting for karmic law to smack me in the face, and anyone who has read this diary for a lengthy period of time would know of what I speak. Ok, I'm done wallowing in my own shitty pity.

=) tee

I know it was a turning point in music and all, but if I have the hear about Nirvanas influence on music and see the same clips of Teen Spirit one more time I'm going to assassinate Dave Grohl and buttrape Courtney Love with a broken glass bottle on Kurt Cobain's grave. I liked Nirvana too, people, but let it the fuck go.

*click*

I guess I should close this and have my final cigarette for the night and attempt bed. Or just read Anne Rice until my eyes cross as per usual. Night.

*poof*

written on 2004-02-02 at 1:53 a.m. by sweetsolace.

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