So it's been awhile. I figure if Mark actually updates, then I haven't in a while and need to. Well, not need to, but whatever. I'm fixing to mentally vomit onto this bit o' webspace I call home, is what I'm saying.

I also got bored with my 3-D online version of Pong.

So much crap. I'm almost 7 months now, I have to wear maternity clothes, I didn't luck out this time like I did with Jonathan. I'm getting the beginnings of a baby belly. This pregnancy has been a difficult one, I'm mostly tired all the time and wore out, doesn't help I chase a 3 year old and one year old all day either. Grace is now with me all the time for reasons undisclosed...and it's quite difficult but we've all settled into our family routine, it's almost quaint. But I'm really starting to feel any sense of youth I had slip away. Mark cemented that the other day when we were talking and he said, hey, let's go to wal-mart for something, and we realized we had two kids in bed. I would have liked to try to send them off this weekend for a night to their respective grandparents and just have a date with Mark, but he's going camping this weekend with his dad and some weirdos with guns. I wish I could find something like that to do sometime, go on a weekend vacation or something. The downside to being a stay at home mom is that you never get to leave your job, you're always there.

I've been sick lately, I don't know with what, but I had a double ear infection, bronchitis, and then a couple days after that diagnosis I got plagued with some weird allergy/head cold thing and my ears wouldn't pop for three days. I'm finally starting to feel better though, and getting cabin fever. I kinda want to go out and spend money, heh. But I have both kids tommorow and I might lose my resolve unless mom or someone goes with me. See, Grace is at this age, this charming tender age of annoyance. Every moment of silence has to be filled with song, or a falsetto noise of some kind, or constant laughter and chatter. And let's not forget the questions. I am the question lady. Because someone in their infinite wisdom has managed to convince her that I know everything. She dances around the house like a George Washington on a dollar bill because her eyes follow you everywhere she goes. It's like children of the corn in here sometimes. And Jonathan, my beloved son, is a brat. Over sensitive shall I say. I can't look at him crooked at times that he won't cry. And all day long all I hear is mamamamamamamamamaaaa. And he chases me all over the house, needing to be in every room I'm in. And between me and Mark and mom and Terry we have bought these kids any and every kind of toy you could want, and she only plays with Jonathan's toys and he only plays with things like phones, remotes, controllers and other assorted household items. Toys everywhere, but dammit that hanger is the shit.

Argh! I need a break. I wish Mark would take a day off so I can sleep through the morning breakfast bitching and the afternoon I need a nap crying and all the in between oops and crash and spill and barf and beg and whine. I swear, anymore I can't take a shower during the day because I can't find time for myself. I wonder how two kids can demand so much of one person, and as they age nap time gets briefer and that's my only break. Usually I'm too tired to shower during that break and I nap. I suck at this mom stuff. Mark says I'm a good mom but I'm starting to feel rather sorry for myself and tired, and looking down the line at all the years I have left...hmmm, the rest of my life to worry about my kids...I guess I don't sound happy about motherhood right now. And I am, overall. Just frustrated right now.

My entry comes across as rather depressive, but in all honesty I'm in quite the good mood. There's so much more I would love to ramble about but I'm about to go join my loving, snoring husband in bed. I may ramble more later.

-Petra

written on 2003-10-22 at 1:24 a.m. by sweetsolace.

previous-next