What a crazy two weeks. I'm so tired...

Last night I went to Carefirst after much deliberation because I HATE doctors and medical facilities of all kinds. My asthma has been kicking up the past week and I figured I should go in case I have a bad attack when no one is here to take me and I have the boys. I received two breathing treatments and had to run out to etown to pick up my medication, amoxicillin, predinisone and albuterol. So I'm on the steroid again for the first time in years and the irony is I am trying to quit smoking. Ever since I cut back, I had been having a hard time breathing and my lungs have been full of crap I have to cough up. Doesn't really make any sense and it almost makes it pointless to quit but I have to. I'm taking my time but I figure it will be easier if I take it at my own pace than if I just up and quit.

Jacob is doing well. He's growing so quickly, when he was born he was 5lbs 13oz, and when we left the hospital he was 5lbs 10oz, and Friday at his doc appointment he was 6 lbs 4 oz and he grew a half inch in that time as well. He is generally a good baby, doesn't fuss too much but I have already "spoiled" him as my mother says because sometimes he won't sleep or stop fussing until you pick him up. I don't see how I could be spoiling him though because I'm his mother and I'm supposed to love and nurture him and make him feel safe, not let him cry himself to sleep or not pick him up because it could "spoil" him. I did the same thing with Jonathan and he grew out of it so boo.

He's just so gorgeous, I can't get over him. His eyes are still blue and have gotten more vivid, his jaundice is gone so he's pink again, and he has the prettiest red gold hair. Plus he's a tiny little bugger and he has a social smile and already lifts his head up and as I watch him now he is rolling over on his side...that's my boy.

*inhaler break...brb*

Jonathan's eczema has really started acting up since the baby came home and I don't care what anyone thinks, I think it's a nervous response to the new baby. Although this morning his skin looked fabulous thanks to the repairing beauty of cocoa butter. Not to sound particularly racist or anything...but Cocoa butter is the one thing doctors didn't tell me to use out of the myriad of products they recommended...and I never thought of it because it is so rich and almost fatty, and I thought, well black people use this stuff religously for their ashy skin, I can try it and it cleared his skin up like a charm. The only thing that ever worked for him. I sound pretty ignorant in the last two statements especially considering I grew up as an army brat in other states and countries and I should KNOW better. But hey. We're all racist or ignorant in some way.

Mark is doing ok I think. He's not overly talkative about himself as some of you that know him know. A few things are bothering him but mostly I think he's doing well. Last night while the baby ate...and ate and ate because he wouldn't let me sleep...I watched Mark sleep. It's weird now that I've had the baby because my hormones are settling down (kind of) and I'm starting to feel like my old self again and not Prego Petra Monster. And I'm looking at Mark like I used to, not that I grew to hate him or anything. I always loved him but it's different when you're pregnant I guess. It was for me. And now I feel all mushy about him again *sigh* I have always realized how lucky I am to be with him though. He is so good to me, takes care of me and treats me well and is really my best friend. Life would be craptastic without my angry scotsman.

Well I think that's about it. I am short of breath right now but craving a ciggarette so bad...I have an inkling of what it must be like to have lung cancer or emphysema and still smoke...I understand it. Besides, you can almost *almost* breathe better when you smoke. Go figure.

written on 2004-01-27 at 12:57 p.m. by sweetsolace.

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